In this article we decided to discuss a very important issue relating to the date first and first meeting: how to behave and what to say, if you only discover a person. This question is very relevant as before the date you’ve only corresponded with this person and now you are trying to consider her character carefully. The first impression can be deceptive and at first you may even be disappointed in your girl, but over some time you can find in your partner exactly the qualities, you’ve been looking for.
Be patient at the first meetings when you’re just trying to learn something about your partner, who had been known to you only by correspondence. Don’t turn your romantic meeting in meticulous probes. If your partner doesn’t want to answer any questions, just leave this topic and find another, more interesting. The only reason to find out all the details from your partner immediately is if you’re expecting no more than one date. But whether is there in such a case any sense in clarifying any details!
It’s very important on the first date to conduct frivolous conversations. Your date shouldn’t turn into a boring discussion and not to become too impersonal. Easy fun on the first date absolutely won’t prevent communication with your partner, even if it means you’ll need specially (in advance) to prepare topics for the conversation. In most cases communication easiness comes (in a natural way) itself, and yet there’s nothing wrong if you prepare some topics in advance.
The real experience of Internet Dating.
Of course, it’s your private affair, but we encourage you to be open for discussing with your partner real experience of online dating (if you’ve have it). According to our data, these stories can be a great topic for a friendly conversation. It has often been noticed that when a man begins such talks in a cheerful tone, a woman often willingly shares her experience in this field. Some agencies even arrange cheerful friendly contests called “My dates were worse than yours”. But be careful, starting a conversation on this subject: it should be cheerful, but shouldn’t become a solid complaint. You should start, and if not this, then the next time your girlfriend will also talk about her unsuccessful online dates.
You may not have any interesting experiences, associated with online dating; but it doesn’t mean that discussing such dating is a bad idea. You can use the stories told by other people, and women willingly to share by her stories later. For example, if you don’t have any interesting story to share it with someone, you just might find something in the Internet (or even on our site) and to discuss someone’s date with your partner! Experience shows that no one is offended if you share similar stories about dating. Remember that all people like to hear they are not the only ones. There’re other people with the experience of unsuccessful date, but which don’t lose heart and continue fighting for their happiness.
Also feel free to ask on a date general questions, such as how long does the girl use online dating service, whether she’d any success, how often does she manages to correspond with potential suitors and other non-personal conversations. The main thing is to observe tact and cheerful humor (in moderation, of course). Besides that you’ve a fun and interesting topic for conversation, it makes to find sympathy easy. Both of you are no longer the two oddballs, who’ve met and hope for reciprocity. Many other people do the same, trying (like you) to find the solution of personal problems that may be more difficult than you both thought.
Discuss profiles of other people.
Believe our experience that the discussion of the other people’s successful or unsuccessful online dates relieves the tension; also in such conversation very good help links to other people’s profiles and discussion them. Excellent themes are your profession, hobbies, interesting TV shows and all other features that are specified in your and her profiles. Most likely the girl will talk about it willingly. We also recommend you focusing (when talking) on actual events (although we found the fact that many couples on dates don’t do it). Find other interesting and fun themes that support the conversation. One example illustrating this: Pittsburgh voted the worst place for singles’ dating. The mention of this fact always leads to the exciting discussions on dates.
Do not make yourself too seriously!
There’s another great topic for a friendly talk: self-irony, funny stories about you. This approach turns boring dates to funny or (at least) not boring. For example, you can paint your vacation adventures, road trips with friends. “On that day it was raining and hot, so inside the car we were fighting among ourselves for few hours: someone wanted to be dry, and someone wanted of coolness!” Even if it won’t seem funny, such a story will help you smooth out some inconvenience on the first date. The willingness to share a little embarrassing personal story can take your conversation from the formal channel to informal one. These stories show that you’ve enough self-irony and you don’t take yourself too seriously.
Exchange by opinions.
On the first date it’s important to share your thoughts, so that the partner understood what a person you are. All those things that you don’t want to change in yourself (but your girlfriend wants you to get them changed) can be a good opportunity for exchanging by views. There’re topics (for example, wanderlust) on which you’ll meet easily. Other topics (for example, if you’ve the urge to travel only time in several years) are much more difficult and require discussion. There’s another way of doing this kind of talk: just ask that question, the answer on which you want to hear. As soon as your interlocutor answered it, cease to control your conversation (that is, just stop talking).
After that, the interlocutor will ask you what you have just asked her about, when she replied to you. Many people look at it no offense (which is confirmed by the experience). In any case, it can greatly amuse both of you. Once your fiancée will make every effort to find out what kind of person you are; so the in above tactics you will need infrequently. However, if right in the middle of your meeting you’ll realize that you’ve nothing especially to tell your girl about yourself, then it may be a signal that she’s is not much interested in you!
Yet there’s one thing that your interlocutrix may like, this is that you give her a chance to tell more about herself! Correct building of the conversation should be so that it was about the same number exchanging by opinions and questions. You shouldn’t feel as you must fully tell about yourself on the first date. It will be quite okay, if you leave a little secret about you. On our experience, dates, on which people share personal information too much and frankly, over not too well.
Compilation of a script.
Most likely you’ll never have a date, on which you’ll be able to plan your conversation beforehand. It’ll be better if you create a mental plan of the themes to discuss there. Do not allow “painful silence”, which is able to destroy any date. If such gaps will start too early and be too frequent, they’ll give you both a very uncomfortable situation. Below here is a sample script, which you can rely on a first date. Keep the points of this plan in your mind to maintain the progress of the talk, although you can make your own script.
An example of the first date scenario.
1. Acquaintance with the partner.
2. Talking with your partner about successful or unsuccessful acquaintanceships.
3. To know from the girl if a family is an important thing to her and what does she think about it. Here you can share opinions with her.
4. A talk about work, personal life (opening each other).
5. Entertaining conversations (topics for which usually take from the partner’s profile).
6. Discussion of current events (small talk).
7. Discussion vacation (here funny stories and unusual adventures are appropriate).
8. Discussion purposes (be careful not to make a date in some interview).
9. Conversation on information from the girl’s profile (discuss only if she likes it).
10. The decision-making, whether it’s a last date or should you meet more (depends on the success of the date).
11. Violation of the script.
It’s important to determine for yourself, what you will do in the case of a sudden breach of your script, to choose the model of behavior and other topics for conversation. That’s why you shouldn’t rely on a clear plan. As practice shows, the majority of dates goes by the script only in the first 2 steps; then starts just improvisation, depending on the situation and the interlocutor. Maybe, you’ll begin to jump between topics and talk about vary things, that you hadn’t even planned. Once you’ve moved to some theme, it suddenly becomes clear to both of you and you don’t need the script ant more. The script is only useful as a basic variant and it may never be useful you to you. Never limit yourself on the date by plan just because you’ve created it. Note: if the script was unnecessary to you, it means the date was successful!
Now let’s look what you absolutely wouldn’t speak about at the first meeting. Many top lists recommend no mentioning sex, political and religious views, although some articles recommend avoid talking about pets. The authors argue that such talks can ruin any date (please don’t ask us why). Note, however, that even in this case such recommendations are private and general in nature, but the situations are different. Many people come together on the basis of common values such as religion, hobbies or other interests.
On the first date isn’t forbidden to talk about politics, but if you feel that a girl doesn’t like any parts – quickly change the subject. Our advice: trust to yourself more, but not to someone else’s wishes and recommendations. However, we hope that you have enough minds to exclude political discussion. At the same time it isn’t necessary to discuss with your girl the theme that doesn’t suit you only for the reason that someone recommends you to talk about on a date.
Truly healthy atmosphere on a date is supported then, when you slowly discuss topics, comfortable for both of you. In general, think for yourself and note, that even good themes on some days you should avoid by all means (when any troubles happen). No, don’t think that advices of what you should do or not to do on the first meeting are so bad. It is bad then, when you follow them too literally and same on different dates.